Författare: Ayobami Precious Adekola Postdoctoral Researcher University

The “birds and the bees”. The “facts of life”. Whatever you call it, many parents dread discussing sex and sexuality with their teenagers. They may be embarrassed, or worried that they don’t understand some concepts. In some countries, cultural norms may mean it’s considered inappropriate for adults and adolescents to talk about sex.

However, these are conversations worth having. A large body of research has shown that teens who openly discuss sex and sexuality with their parents reduce their risky sexual behaviour, leading to improved reproductive health.

It’s also important to remember that this won’t be a one-off discussion. Adolescents undergo constant development, facing new questions and challenges as they grow. Continuous dialogue allows parents to provide ongoing guidance, address emerging concerns, and reinforce values over time. It also fosters an atmosphere of trust and openness.

I’m a public health researcher who studies adolescent sexuality, sexual and reproductive health. Based on my research, as well as on frequent interactions with both teenagers and their parents, I’ve put together this guide to address parents’ common questions and concerns. I hope this advice can help you to engage your teens in open, honest and helpful dialogues about sex and sexuality.

When should I start talking to my kids about sex and sexuality?

There is no universally “right” age to start discussing sex and sexuality with your children. However, I’d suggest that you can initiate discussions about body parts and puberty before your kids are 10. Conversations specifically about sex and sexuality can begin around age 10.

No matter your teens’ age, it is important for parents to create a safe space for these discussions by letting your teens know they are not being judged, and that everything they say is confidential.

Read more:
Let’s _not_ talk about sex: insights into how Kenyan parents talk to their teens

Family dynamics differ in every household. Sometimes teenagers trust or are more comfortable with one parent than the other. However, both parents should be on the same page to avoid giving contradictory messages to their teens. In a two-parent household, it is beneficial to have both parents involved in discussing sexuality education with their teen, but it is not necessary to always do it together. A combination of individual and joint conversations can be effective.

What sorts of topics fall under the umbrella of sex and sexuality?

Some of the important topics parents can discuss with their teenagers include

how the reproductive system functions
building healthy relationships – the importance of consent, communication, mutual understanding and boundaries
the physical and emotional changes that occur during puberty
how to maintain good sexual health practices and hygiene.

According to my religion or culture, it’s not appropriate to discuss these topics with my children.

Many parents have their own misconceptions and biases about sex, often rooted in religious or cultural beliefs. But the reality is that avoiding discussions about sex does not stop teenagers from engaging in sexual activities or seeking information from other sources. Studies have shown that “parent-child communication is strongly associated with a child’s safer sex practices, including condom use and delayed sexual debut”.

Read more:
Childhood sex education reduces risky sexual behaviour: a Nigerian case study

Face your own biases and sexual prejudices head on when talking to your teens. For instance, don’t shy away from talking about the spectrum of LGBTQ+ identities. Focus on the importance of respecting, accepting and accommodating different sexual orientations and gender identities.

I don’t understand some of the concepts my teen is asking about!

You’re not alone. Most parents are not experts on these topics. The important thing is to listen actively – tune in to their thoughts and feelings as they talk – without judgement, and with empathy. Try to be thoughtful, factual and compassionate when answering their questions. Don’t be dismissive.

You also don’t need to have all the answers immediately to hand. It is OK to ask your teenagers to give you some time to research the topic. You might suggest researching it together, or asking them to do some research and talk to you about what they find out.

Read more:
Social media for sex education: South African teens explain how it would help them

Another practical and effective way to deal with your teen’s questions and concerns is to connect them with available community resources. These could be school counsellors or community healthcare providers, such as doctors and nurses, who can offer age-appropriate information and confidential medical care. Look for local community organisations and support groups that can provide sexuality education, peer support and safe spaces. Parents’ recommendations and referrals will boost young people’s trust in these care services, encouraging them to use the resources and services.

My teenager says they belong to the LGBTQ+ community. I’m not sure how to support them!

First and foremost, it is wonderful that your teenager felt comfortable enough to share this with you, and it is great that you are willing to learn and be supportive. Here are some steps you can take to support your teenager who has come out to you as LGBTQ+:

Acknowledge and validate by letting your teen know that you love them and accept them for who they are.
Listen with an open mind, without judgement. This is a time for them to express themselves freely. Ask open questions to show your interest and better understand their experience.
Ask your teen what kind of support they need from you. Maybe it is just knowing you are there for them, or perhaps they would like you to connect them with LGBTQ+ resources or support groups.
Be patient with your teen and allow him the space to explore his feelings at his own pace, because coming to terms with one’s sexual orientation or gender identity can be a journey.
Challenge your assumptions and biases. Reflect on your own beliefs and be open to adjusting them if necessary.
Be an ally by showing your support not only within the family, but also in public.
Seek support If you are feeling overwhelmed or unsure about how to support your teenager, seek guidance from LGBTQ+ organisations, therapists, or support groups for parents of LGBTQ+ youth.

An investment in teens’ future

Providing accurate information, fostering open communication, and offering support equips your teen to navigate sex and relationships responsibly. When parents talk about sex and sexuality with their teenagers, it is an investment in their future health and well-being. By approaching it with sensitivity, honesty, and empathy, you can build a strong foundation for open communication and empower your teens to make informed decisions. Läs mer…

Most teenagers dread talking about sex with their parents. Their parents feel the same way. In some societies it’s considered taboo to even broach the subject. And, even where sexuality education is taught at schools, research has shown that effective communication between young people and teachers is hindered because of age differences and, in some places, because of the societal taboos.

How might technology improve the situation?

Adolescents spend a lot of time on their electronic devices. A study in the US found that teens were using their phones, tablets or laptops for social media, gaming and texting for about 8½ hours every day; tweens (ages 8 to 12) rack up about 5½ hours daily.

Much has been written about the downsides of screen time for teens. But, as a public health scholar who studies adolescent sexual and reproductive health, I believe that social media platforms could be a powerful resource for sexuality education and support. These platforms can also be a gateway for young people who need to access essential resources and support services.

This is already happening in some parts of the world. For instance, Planned Parenthood in the US has accounts on several social media platforms (Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and YouTube) where it shares public health messaging, contact details and information about sexual and reproductive health and rights. It also invites people to get in touch and ask questions.

The potential value of social media to sexuality education in South Africa was underscored during a recent study I conducted in the country’s KwaZulu-Natal province. Learners were asked how their schools’ sexuality education programme could be improved. Many suggested that social media had an important role to play.

Integrating social media into school-based sexuality education programmes in South Africa has the potential to reinforce curriculum messages and, ultimately, lead to improved sexual and reproductive health outcomes among learners – particularly those in rural areas where access to information and services is limited.

The study

I conducted my study in KwaZulu-Natal’s King Cetshwayo area. The municipality’s main city is Richards Bay and the area I worked in is largely rural and under-served.

The participants came from nine schools. They were all aged between 14 and 19, were fluent in either English or isiZulu, and were enrolled in grades 10 or 11. Participation was voluntary; ultimately I worked with 35 boys and 49 girls.

The study revealed that about 60% of the participants were sexually active, with many having had multiple partners in the past three years. While most sexually active participants (41) reported condom use, eight used them inconsistently. Four girls had been pregnant before.

During our discussions, it became clear that many learners found it difficult to talk about sex even during Life Orientation lessons (this subject includes modules on sexuality and reproductive health).

A 17-year-old male said:

Most of us are not comfortable talking about sex in (Life Orientation) classes because some students will tease you or joke about you. Some teachers also will judge you and treat you like you don’t have morals if you talk about sex too much.

An 18-year-old male said:

My family avoid talking about sex with me. They just warned me not to do it. We don’t talk about sex in our church either. It is uncomfortable to talk about what we learnt in LO with my parents.

Both participants said that social media spaces and informational websites, where they could remain anonymous, would be helpful.

Others suggested that social media could complement what they were taught in the Life Orientation curriculum. A 17-year-old female said: “It is difficult to remember everything in the class. Many of us have phones so maybe a WhatsApp group can be created so we can continue the discussion at home.”

Read more:
Sexuality education in Ghana’s schools: some answers to ’when’ and ’what’

However, participants also pointed out the potential problems with using social media for sexuality education. These included poor internet connectivity, the high cost of both mobile devices and data, and the risk of social media platforms sharing inaccurate or deliberately misleading information.

Said one 17-year-old male: “We need to be careful, our teachers must be involved in forming the social media because they know us and the problems we face. We cannot believe everything we see on the social media if we don’t know the person who posted it. It could be misinformation.”

Implications

It is clear from my findings that using social media platforms for sexuality education has potential even in low-income settings in African countries.

To deal with the prohibitively high cost of data, major internet service providers and information and communications technology companies should be engaged to negotiate potential discounts for teen users. They could also be lobbied to zero-rate any social media platform that offers scientifically accurate sexuality and reproductive health information. Users can access zero-rated sites for free.

Teachers, parents, healthcare providers and community actors can come together on these platforms to share resources, exchange knowledge and coordinate efforts towards improving adolescent sexual health outcomes. From peer and professional development among sexuality education teachers to parent-teacher engagement and school-community partnerships – the possibilities are endless.

Read more:
Sex education programmes in Kenyan schools are failing students

Of course, as some of my participants pointed out, not all parents will necessarily be open to this approach:

My parents think the teachers are ‘spoiling’ us by teaching us about sexuality. They think teacher should not expose us to information like that at our age. If our teachers can form a WhatsApp group with our parents, maybe they will understand. (Male, 17)

This will need to be addressed. Policymakers, educators, healthcare professionals, community leaders and parents can be brought together for awareness and education sessions to help everyone understand why this approach is helpful.

Investment in research and innovation is also essential to ensure that South Africa stays ahead of the curve in using technology for health promotion. This includes developing evidence-based interventions, monitoring and evaluating their effectiveness, and adapting strategies to meet the evolving needs of young people in a rapidly changing digital landscape. Läs mer…